I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
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