i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
