chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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