Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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