just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
The uberlube is also flammable
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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