I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
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