Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
