My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
no. you can't hotbox the world.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
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