Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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