Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
