the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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