Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
