My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Randomize
