Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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