My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
