Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Terrible idea I love it
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
