dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Randomize
