from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
