I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
