Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
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