Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
