so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
