I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
