if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
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