I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
