Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
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