I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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