I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
