Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
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