So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
