Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
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