just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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