you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
