Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
