then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
