Having a random hookup so left but love u
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
