Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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