theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Randomize
