i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize