This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
