Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
