I wish my penis had an off switch
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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