This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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