I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
