I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
