Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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