Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
