Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Randomize
