i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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