He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
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