she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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