on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
