i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
